"We explained that they couldn't give everyone an award every time."
My kids play soccer, go to school and take music lessons. They also like to draw and build amazing things with Lego's. I personally would put every drawing they have ever produced in a museum of refrigerators.
As much as I love my children and think that they are amazing I am glad that they have had to go through painful situations. It seems contradictory but it is the best thing for them. Just like it was the best thing for me.
I remember there was a time when I was getting prideful and ended up losing big time. As I was belly-aching to my dad he gave me some sobering news. He told me that there would always be someone who is bigger, faster and better at something than me. He also told me that is okay. I needed that reality check to work harder and to move forward from failure.
In the same vein that failure is good success is good too. I don't think my kids need an award every time awards are handed out just to feel good about themselves but if they excel and get an award it validates their efforts. When their rewards come from hard work and careful study it will be a positive reinforcement that they enjoy.
Our motivations are important. When we get something for nothing it produces an entitlement mentality. But when we get something for our labors it produces internal motivation that propels us to work hard. Pain and hard work produce character and strength.
I know for my kids the struggle will make them better. They will rise to every challenge and when they get an award it will be well deserved.
How have the struggles you have been though helped you? How can we navigate the feeling our children go through when they don't get an award?
I totally agree, just listened to this Ted talk on grit, which backs up your point. The longer I'm around the more I feel like life is about showing up and pushing through. I want my kids to know to push through tough stuff and to be able to fail and get back up and try over and over again. I can talk to them about it, but I also need to live it (not so fun). My kids have ridiculous amounts of metals and they don't mean anything to them....I actually love trying new things but that means I have to be ok with the humbling process that goes along with it (falling on my face at times). I have to Laugh at myself, try not to think of myself too often- and enjoy the process- these are the things I hope my kids learn before they're in their late 30s. It took me a while...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_the_key_to_success_grit?language=en
It is good for them to see you go through all that. I know watching my parents growing up gave me courage as an adult to try new things and face challenges.
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ReplyDeleteIt's that struggle that a caterpillar has to go through to become the beautiful butterfly God meant for them to be, they can't come out of their cocoons until they have gone through all the struggle of strength and beauty my granddaughter Jazmine and I are obsessed with butterflies (new life) Amen :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's that struggle that a caterpillar has to go through to become the beautiful butterfly God meant for them to be, they can't come out of their cocoons until they have gone through all the struggle of strength and beauty my granddaughter Jazmine and I are obsessed with butterflies (new life) Amen :-)
ReplyDeleteVery true Christine. If the caterpillar doesn't struggle then the development will be impaired. It shines a new light on suffering.
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